You can’t make this stuff up

Well, I guess you can, because someone did.

My youngest brother likes spy stuff: Bond movies, The Man From U.N.C.L.E, and the like. I just picked up a book for him at a local used book store. It’s The Man From T.O.M.C.A.T #2: The Million Missing Maidens, by Mallory T. Knight, printed in 1967.

The Man From T.O.M.C.A.T. #2
(Click for larger)

The cover blurb reads:

Under orders to deflower every virgin he can find, T.O.M.C.A.T Agent O’Shane comes up against evil beauty Gisela Vultch as he seeks the secret of her strange orgiastic cult.

I’ve only given the first chapter a quick once-over, because of that and the back-cover blurb, a portion of which is:

The Man From T.O.M.C.A.T. could not have devised a more stimulating assignment. Until, hoisted aboard Merdalor’s mystery-ship, O’Shane found himself the only man on a vessel carrying two hundred virgins, five hundred monkeys and a pair of armed Lesbians.

The character names are horrendous: Merdalor is the bad guy of the story, a brilliant biochemist who was an associate of Heinrich Himmler during WWII, and is now head of a cult known as Systemology. Merdalor’s companion “was Hund Scheiskopf, mathematician, physicist, and ardent Nazi.” O’Shane’s boss is Duncan MacSwiver. The Willick sisters, Fanny and Hilly, show up again (they were apparently in the first book).

I tell you, I don’t know whether to give my brother the book or burn it to save his sanity.

It’s too late for me, now.

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